Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
