Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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