He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
