Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize