Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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