you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize