pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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