its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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