I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
