Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Drake has all the answers
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
