you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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