i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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