One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
