Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize