So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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