hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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