dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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