The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
