How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
