I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My ATM looks so different sober.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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