My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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