take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wish life had little blips of pornography
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize