new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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