Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
