My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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