Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
