Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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