On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Green mimosas i think yes
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
