I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
