I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize