It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
