then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i black out too much to be "responsible"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
