found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
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