the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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