2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
