At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
