the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
