Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I got inside last night via doggy door
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize