I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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