why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize