I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
