oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
