I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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