I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
