A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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