haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
