she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
