Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
