The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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