dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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