He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
