if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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