I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
