Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
