I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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