A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
