He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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