I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
