I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
