Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize
