It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
