i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
