There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
