New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
