yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize