You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
