watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
