Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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