maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
