At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
