Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
