my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
